Cicero: would put multi-paragraph rants without page breaks and piss everyone off
Catullus: would run one of those arty blogs that periodically startles you with hardcore gay porn on your dash
Vergil: would have a successful ongoing webcomic or blog and would constantly reblog and be reblogged by Horace
Horace: would post a ton of Instagram photos of wine and houses in the countryside and would constantly reblog and be reblogged by Vergil
Pliny the Elder: would post a bunch of photos of flowers, nature, and astronomical facts, and would die while attempting to liveblog the Vesuvius eruption
Lucretius: would be a nightblogger who would always post stuff like “what if when we die we become atoms and float away in the wind? Like you could be inhaling and exhaling your dead ancestors right now!”
Ovid: Would post a mixture of porn and reblogs of nature and portrait photos and would ultimately engage in massive flame wars and get banned for violating the Terms of Service
If Ancient Greeks had Tumblrs
Plato would have an RPG blog, blogging as Socrates, and it would be one of those ones that’s practically all responses to asks, but the asks would be written by other RPG blogs that he was also running.
(Socrates would not be on Tumblr, he would be on Twitter, and would be more interested in stirring up drama over controversial issues than defending any one position himself.)
Thales would have a photo blog full of pictures of water: waterfalls, rivers, the sea. Heraclitus would sometimes reblog the river ones.
Heraclitus - total night-blogger. Reblogged by just about everyone, but for some reason no one ever remembers to reblog as text, so as you scroll down your feed all you ever see are fragments from linked posts.
Pythagoras - Posts a lot of gifs of cool natural phenomena followed by the comment: ‘MATHS!’. LOTS of followers, but tells a lot of in jokes you don’t really get if you haven’t been with him from the beginning.
Homer - just gets reblogged EVERYWHERE, frequently without a link to the source. Frequently accused of reposting stuff that’s actually his own work someone else has stolen.
Sophocles - very popular, writes a lot of fanfic. Into incest kinks. Big in Game of Thrones fandom.
Aristotle - follows Plato. Massive following extending onto other social networking platforms. Always a bit Serious. You will not find kittens being adorably incompetent here. Lot of meta about what blogging SHOULD be for.
Herodotus - lots of really interesting posts on history, the kind of stuff that really makes you go ‘huh, that’s cool’… not always particularly well researched.
If Renaissance Dramatists had Tumblr…
Jonson: endless Instagram photos of whatever he’s currently reading. Lots of followers who are mostly too intimidated to speak to him.
Shakespeare: writes tons of fanfiction, most of it AU. Gets a lot of anons complaining about his spelling, grammar, and (lack of) adherence to canon. All of them are Jonson.
Marlowe: veers wildly between giant flame wars over religion and/or gay rights and suddenly going on hiatus for weeks, only to return with a variety of bizarre and improbable stories. Runs a ‘secret’ side blog full of love poetry.
Beaumont and Fletcher: mostly just reblog Shakespeare- and their own weird injokes, even though they live in the same flat.
Dekker: posts a lot from the queue, but is hardly ever actually there because he never pays his internet bill and keeps getting cut off
Greene: hates everyone and everything and eventually ragequits after nobody agrees with his now-infamous rant about Shakespeare and Marlowe.
Nashe: trolls Marlowe’s inbox. Runs a ‘dick jokes’ blog with Shakespeare. Neither of them is ashamed of or sorry about it. They probably should be.
Middleton: instagrams random stuff in London and reblogs Financial Times articles with snarky commentary. Once in a while he reblogs something Shakespeare posted and it gets like a billion notes. Also Dekker posts on his account a lot when his internet is cut off.
Milton: posts incredibly wordy rants that confuse everyone because they’re both politically and religiously radical. Everyone reblogs them but nobody quite understands what they mean.
Spenser: mostly posts Mary Sue fanfic, but it’s beautifully written.
Donne: mostly posts really artsy porn.
Webster: Really only well known for a few highly controversial AU fics, both of which are super heavy on the gore and MCD. Occasionally posts oneshots which are always written to include (gratuitous) major character death. Cowrote a bunch of stuff with Dekker. Often gets in trouble for failing to tag content appropriately.
So informative even though I don’t even know who most of these people are XD
What light. So breaks. Such east. Very sun. Wow, Juliet.
What Romeo. Such why. Very rose. Still rose.
Very balcony. Such climb.
Much love. So Propose. Wow, marriage.
Very Tybalt. Much stab. What do?
Such exile. Very Mantua. Much sad.
So, priest? Much sleeping. Wow, tomb.
Such poison. What dagger. Very dead. Wow, end.
1. He went to middle school in America and therefore could not have joined Teikou’s basketball club.
2. There is already a red-haired guy in the category, Akashi.
He doesn’t have a unique name and is not more popular than a purple-haired midget girl.
Very persuasive. Although Kuroko no Basket just isn’t as popular as Lucky Star in general if we go by sales orz